I have been ill since the weekend. Pissing out of my arse to be precise. Between the baby and me it’s been like living in an open sewer in here. We’ve been working in shifts.
But now I’m back. What’s been happening? On Friday I went to the Registry Office and reported the baby to the authorities. She is now legal with a birth certificate and everything. We had to register her within 21 days of her birth and I was tempted to leave it and see what happened. Would they have deported my baby? Would there have been a dawn raid? A midnight flight to Diego Garcia and a crèche full of orange sleepsuits? But I bottled out and conformed in the end. I didn’t even give her any comedy names, I left her middle name as her gran’s, even though her gran hasn’t acted nearly grateful enough about that.
I also went to the doctor’s to get a new prescription for nicotine gum. My doctor is a big, round, grey haired guy with pilots’ glasses who is normally pleased to see me. I think that he is glad to see someone sensible after all the bams and old dears he has to deal with, and if that seems patronising to you, then you should see his fucking waiting room. Even though large glasses on the older male are a sure sign of an arsehole and the doc does spit when he’s talking, I think he’s ok. I expected to spend a wee half hour talking about his wife’s horses and how much he misses smoking himself, but this time he was all brusque and businesslike. He had a medical student in with him and was trying to pretend he was the Man in front of him. He didn’t want to give me the gum again because I have been getting it on and off for ten months now, but I reckon he was just talking tough in front of the new guy. He gave in in the end.
If you have never tried nicotine gum, its pretty disgusting. As you chew the nicotine gets released and you feel a stinging sensation on your tongue, a numbness spreading over the backs of your gums, then your gullet tightens and your gorge starts to rise. But then, if you remember, your first cigarette was pretty disgusting too wasn’t it? And you get used to the gum if it’s your only source of nicotine. I quite like it now. I really should be weaning myself off it, and hopefully with the baby on the scene I will be busy enough to keep my mind of the withdrawal. Giving up smoking is a funny thing, its easy if you want to do it, impossible if you don’t, but either way you need to really keep yourself occupied if you are going to stand a chance. I’m still going to have a cigar at Christmas though. But from now on I’ll have to go outside to do it.
But now I’m back. What’s been happening? On Friday I went to the Registry Office and reported the baby to the authorities. She is now legal with a birth certificate and everything. We had to register her within 21 days of her birth and I was tempted to leave it and see what happened. Would they have deported my baby? Would there have been a dawn raid? A midnight flight to Diego Garcia and a crèche full of orange sleepsuits? But I bottled out and conformed in the end. I didn’t even give her any comedy names, I left her middle name as her gran’s, even though her gran hasn’t acted nearly grateful enough about that.
I also went to the doctor’s to get a new prescription for nicotine gum. My doctor is a big, round, grey haired guy with pilots’ glasses who is normally pleased to see me. I think that he is glad to see someone sensible after all the bams and old dears he has to deal with, and if that seems patronising to you, then you should see his fucking waiting room. Even though large glasses on the older male are a sure sign of an arsehole and the doc does spit when he’s talking, I think he’s ok. I expected to spend a wee half hour talking about his wife’s horses and how much he misses smoking himself, but this time he was all brusque and businesslike. He had a medical student in with him and was trying to pretend he was the Man in front of him. He didn’t want to give me the gum again because I have been getting it on and off for ten months now, but I reckon he was just talking tough in front of the new guy. He gave in in the end.
If you have never tried nicotine gum, its pretty disgusting. As you chew the nicotine gets released and you feel a stinging sensation on your tongue, a numbness spreading over the backs of your gums, then your gullet tightens and your gorge starts to rise. But then, if you remember, your first cigarette was pretty disgusting too wasn’t it? And you get used to the gum if it’s your only source of nicotine. I quite like it now. I really should be weaning myself off it, and hopefully with the baby on the scene I will be busy enough to keep my mind of the withdrawal. Giving up smoking is a funny thing, its easy if you want to do it, impossible if you don’t, but either way you need to really keep yourself occupied if you are going to stand a chance. I’m still going to have a cigar at Christmas though. But from now on I’ll have to go outside to do it.
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