The daily routine is a bit repetitive to bang on about it every day, so I’m going to pad out the blog with my take on current affairs. So here you go.
Who gives a fuck about Tiger Woods? He plays golf.
Should we ban minarets like the Swiss? After all, you're not allowed churches in muslim countries are you? So, nah nah-nah nah-nah. Leaving aside the idiocy of saying things like 'if we don't want sharia law we have to be more like Saudi Arabia', here are some pictures of churches in Iran. Some of them are pretty big and shiny too. Oh.
Nobody is going to ban Christmas trees, for fuck's sake. They are not religious symbols anyway, unless we’ve all started worshipping Odin while I wasn’t watching. Actually I wouldn’t mind if we all worshipped All-Father Odin, Lord of the Slain. Its just that hunting down my enemies and giving them the ol’ blood eagle might put greater demands on my masculinity than I’m used to. Anyway I’ve checked in the Bible. There’s no tinsel or crackers in it either, so I don’t know what’s been going on there.
That’ll do. I just gave the baby a bottle with 30ml of expressed milk. When she finished it she cried for 30 seconds, then forgot and fell asleep. She woke up at 8.30 this morning just when I was in the middle of a vivid dream. I don’t remember anything about it now, just that it was very engaging.
She is a month old today. The days are long but the weeks pass quickly. Odd that. So far the whole fatherhood thing is not as daunting as I thought it would be. It helps that we have a calm, happy baby. Some babies cry all the time for no reason. That would be a fucking nightmare. We are lucky. Some babies can’t figure out how to drink from a bottle once they are being breast-fed. We are lucky with that too. Some babies get covered with thrush and their mother’s nipples get all cracked and infected. Jesus.
But since I’ve got this parenting thing down, here’s some handy hints.
Don’t panic. All a newborn baby needs is to feed, have its nappy changed and sleep. Its straightforward, if a bit relentless after a while, so as long as you are doing these things it will all be fine. If you are freaking out the baby can tell, and it will get upset. Remember its relying on you to know what’s going on. It hasn’t got a clue.
Don’t prod the baby when its asleep to check if its still breathing. I’m pretty sure it will be, and if you wake the baby up in the middle of the night it will be really pissed off and then it’s a fucker to get it to go back to sleep.
Do leave your dishes in the sink. No one will think any less of you. If you have a newborn baby most people will be surprised you’ve got your shirt buttoned up the right way. If you have time to do housework, you should be asleep instead. You’ll need it.
Don’t be afraid of handling your baby. I know it seems really fragile but its tougher than you think and it likes its cuddles. Just remember to support its little head and don’t drop it or bounce it until its sick or anything. Look at the midwives in the hospital; they tossed the baby about like a piece of chicken, didn’t they?
Don’t be shy of the baby’s poo. You will get it all over yourself no matter what you do.
If you are a man, get as involved as you can. If you can get paternity leave take as much as you can. If both of you are in the house with the baby it makes everything much, much easier. Looking after the baby is not just woman's work; its fun too.
That’s it, I think. I’d better go, everyone seems to be waking up.
Who gives a fuck about Tiger Woods? He plays golf.
Should we ban minarets like the Swiss? After all, you're not allowed churches in muslim countries are you? So, nah nah-nah nah-nah. Leaving aside the idiocy of saying things like 'if we don't want sharia law we have to be more like Saudi Arabia', here are some pictures of churches in Iran. Some of them are pretty big and shiny too. Oh.
Nobody is going to ban Christmas trees, for fuck's sake. They are not religious symbols anyway, unless we’ve all started worshipping Odin while I wasn’t watching. Actually I wouldn’t mind if we all worshipped All-Father Odin, Lord of the Slain. Its just that hunting down my enemies and giving them the ol’ blood eagle might put greater demands on my masculinity than I’m used to. Anyway I’ve checked in the Bible. There’s no tinsel or crackers in it either, so I don’t know what’s been going on there.
That’ll do. I just gave the baby a bottle with 30ml of expressed milk. When she finished it she cried for 30 seconds, then forgot and fell asleep. She woke up at 8.30 this morning just when I was in the middle of a vivid dream. I don’t remember anything about it now, just that it was very engaging.
She is a month old today. The days are long but the weeks pass quickly. Odd that. So far the whole fatherhood thing is not as daunting as I thought it would be. It helps that we have a calm, happy baby. Some babies cry all the time for no reason. That would be a fucking nightmare. We are lucky. Some babies can’t figure out how to drink from a bottle once they are being breast-fed. We are lucky with that too. Some babies get covered with thrush and their mother’s nipples get all cracked and infected. Jesus.
But since I’ve got this parenting thing down, here’s some handy hints.
Don’t panic. All a newborn baby needs is to feed, have its nappy changed and sleep. Its straightforward, if a bit relentless after a while, so as long as you are doing these things it will all be fine. If you are freaking out the baby can tell, and it will get upset. Remember its relying on you to know what’s going on. It hasn’t got a clue.
Don’t prod the baby when its asleep to check if its still breathing. I’m pretty sure it will be, and if you wake the baby up in the middle of the night it will be really pissed off and then it’s a fucker to get it to go back to sleep.
Do leave your dishes in the sink. No one will think any less of you. If you have a newborn baby most people will be surprised you’ve got your shirt buttoned up the right way. If you have time to do housework, you should be asleep instead. You’ll need it.
Don’t be afraid of handling your baby. I know it seems really fragile but its tougher than you think and it likes its cuddles. Just remember to support its little head and don’t drop it or bounce it until its sick or anything. Look at the midwives in the hospital; they tossed the baby about like a piece of chicken, didn’t they?
Don’t be shy of the baby’s poo. You will get it all over yourself no matter what you do.
If you are a man, get as involved as you can. If you can get paternity leave take as much as you can. If both of you are in the house with the baby it makes everything much, much easier. Looking after the baby is not just woman's work; its fun too.
That’s it, I think. I’d better go, everyone seems to be waking up.
I`m loving this. You are officially my guru. No pressure.Canadian love to all three of you (it`s like normal love only waaaaay more laid back)!
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Clare
First time parents may seem to get weary especially if they have a colic baby but there are some ways to learn in order get adjusted with crying babies. Such as proper way of feeding the baby, the right position of the pillow, kind of mattress used and others.
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